Baby updates!

The baby is getting seriously strong! And seriously big! I am so tired. I have been on a roller coaster since before Thanksgiving. And enough is enough.

Its so hard to get used to the idea of being without Ken. I love him. But we just can't make it work. Its sad. We loved with such an amazing passion. But we're fighting with the same passion. Which I'm sure leads to as much stress for him as it does for me.

We had a terrible ice storm right before christmas. (the friday before) and a week ago saturday into sunday i fell on the ice. My body aches. I can't wait to get feeling better!

I have been to the chiropractor once and go back in an hour for another adjustment.

Ready for spring for more than one reason

Scared

This world is a big bad scary place and i'm not doing so well with dealing with it today. Today i'm overwhelmed. Today i have terrible thoughts. Today i'm angry. Today I don't understand whats wrong with me.

I am not going to make it. And thats scary for me.

Tomorrow will be better! (or at least i hope)

and on a brighter note my boobs are completely out of control today! I just wish someone was here to enjoy them :X

Time for some hard Prayer and honesty

Its very very very hard for me to write this entry. It shouldn't be hard to talk to my friends and update them on my life. B, really i think you're the one that i fear the most in all of this. I love you and i respect you and i know how this is going to seem.

Here goes. I fell in love with someone who has for the last 3 months become very different from the person i fell for. I don't even think he realizes it but this relationship has done nothing but hurt me for the last few months, and not just in a "he leaves the seat up" or "he won't take out the trash" but a genuine pain and a genuine hurt that has evolved into nothing but night terrors and day sweats.

I guess its time for me to come clean and state that we have parted ways, and I'm officially the single mom of both Wyatt and Kayd. I worry so much about my little prince who's not yet here. Life has put so much more stress on him then any little one deserves. He's not even here yet. I know my lab results show cause of why contractions came at 19 weeks, however, I would also venture a guess to say that Ken and my relationship and its end with constant battle and constant pain has something to do with a contracting body.

I kept thinking we could work it out, that i was capable of this relationship, but i was wrong. Too many hurtful things have been said, and too many hurtful things have been done. And i really think there's no coming back from this.

I've been alone for a few weeks now and am growing used to being alone. I haven't been able to sleep in a bed yet, but i'll get to that point soon, as this rapidly growing body is going to soon outgrow the couch. And spending more than two or three weeks on a couch might just be the cause of some back pains :(

Pray for council and hope. When we were together he didn't want me to work. I missed working but loved being able to be stay at home mom and soon to be wife. After my lovely scare at 19 weeks of cramping and contractions that were due to very low levels of Magnesium Vitamin D and Potassium, my doctor said to take it easy and stay off my feet. I went through this without him and it was scary. When i was contracting early with Kayden it was at 32 weeks. Completely viable. At 19 weeks all would be lost. I've tried to stay as calm as possible. I don't want Wyatt to hurt or be in any more danger than he's been in already

I guess i'll be ignoring my doctors orders and headed out to the real world where i love it to find a job and try to make a way for my growing, and at the same time shrinking, family.

I'm doing as well as can be expected and i'll keep on keepin on. I hope nothing but the best for my kiddos and myself and am unfortunately ready to be single mom of two. Can't blame anyone but myself so its all you can expect.

Sit tight my little man

Apparently momma's body isn't too sure about keeping you inside me... I'm fighting myself to keep you in there. You're so much safer in there!

This world is a scary place and if i could keep you locked up inside me forever to protect you i would! Its bittersweet but you'll be here in twenty weeks or less (or more....) I'm doing my best which isn't much little man.

I chose your name today. I have to wait to see what Gram thinks about it but I chose your name none the less.

Mom and brother Kayd are so excited for you. Kayden has felt you move already and he is always begging me to make you move again. He doesn't understand why you won't move on command!

The three of us are going to have so much fun together. We're going to be the perfect family! I bought you your first christmas present the other day! And I'm definitely excited to have you here to use it! but if you want to wait til next christmas to come, I'm okay with that!

To my son

Well, the waiting game is over. And from the looks of the ultrasound picture and the question of your older brother....

"Momma, is that a penis?" Yes dear thats a penis. It appears Kayds having a baby brother!

Baby name books, here i come

You still in there?!

You've been fairly quiet the last day or two. I hope you're just giving me a bit of rest!

You have a name now! (That is if you're a girl!) I don't want to share quite yet but I really like it.

It combines a love that i have for learning and a blessing upon you. I hope beyond hope that you're coming to me healthy soon!

We are just one week away from half way there. I pray to God this second half is easier than the first!!!!

I love you baby!

because the friends are asking

You know its love when within 18 weeks, you're this fat, and it doesn't bother you... (too much) i know to most this isn't fat but to me this is just about as big as i was when i delivered Kayd.

To my baby

I hope you're not upset with me, but, I still haven't chosen your name if you're a girl... And i'm not sure what your name will be if You're a boy. I've still got a little bit of time. You just have to stay right where you're at and stay healthy and grow! And if its okay with you I might just hold you and feel your skin on mine for a few hours before I name you! So we can find one that I know just fits! I'm sure you'll understand i just hope everyone else does!

But i just want you to know that I'm your momma and i'm very very excited to finally hold you in my arms! Its been such a long and winding road. With many bumps and many sets of emotions!

You've been making yourself known recently. Letting me know you're really in there and you're really real! I feel you flutter and move inside me! It makes me nervous for our next upcoming close months together! Please be gentle with me, and i will be with you! check out where my ribs are and in the next weeks please make sure you put them back where you found them! (Your big brother thought that was the most fun of games! But he never put them back and momma couldn't breathe!!!)

I don't know what life holds for you my precious child, but I can promise you that it won't always be easy roads. I can however promise you my Love, and support, and respect, and a slew of people that will be in your life that love you! Some may come and some may go. But my love for you my baby will always be!!!!

There are so many things i want to teach you! So many things that i want to whisper in your ears! So many things I want to do with you and your big brother!

He's very excited to meet you! He's been putting pull ups on all his stuffed friends (animals) and insists he can help me diaper you when you come home! (I'll always help him but be patient with him. he's not had any real practice!) He sets his toys in piles, ones for him and ones he can't wait to share with you! I don't think he's ready or willing to share his santa claus with you so please don't look at it too much! You might start a fight!

You have the best big brother in the whole wide world! He's big and strong, and not scared of much! He can't wait to show you the ropes and blame all the things he does on you! He's got the biggest heart and will be one of your biggest fans! He'll be your protector so you can steal toys from other kids and throw all the sand you want! Kayd's got your back!!!!

Keep growing. Know that everyone here loves you very much and You're already momma's gem! Your grandparents are all just waiting on pins and needles for you to get here! And they all yell at me all the time so i take the best care of you that i can! You're in there kicking me even as I type to you! You must know that I'm thinking of you!

I love you baby! See you in about 177 days!!!

Small update

I'm officially getting fat and none of my work/church clothes fit anymore!

Snug pants are no fun! One of these days i'll get around to posting a picture!

Fun Halloween Times

What a busy few hours we've had!

We carved pumpkins last night,





I let the boys carve and i separated the goop from the seeds, I'm roasting pumpkin seeds today! YUM!!!

Kayd got up and got around for halloween today. He got to have a parade at school and He's so excited to trick or treat! Then we get to go up to the hospital and see nana!

Momma's going to be EXHAUSTED by then nights end!!!

My lil man

LISTEN TO ME

Today i am down. I can't seem to pull myself out of a sorrow. I'm not even sure why sorrow has come. Maybe a punishment, but maybe not?!

Jimmy needham is a pretty amazing artist. I was given a song from him as i was out driving early this morning. I've yet to sleep. I just feel like the song was just dropped into my lap. Its not the song I've posted here but this one is just a minute long and makes sense to me. I just needed to hear this and i'll come back to it over and over today! I hope it creates encouragement in your heart too

A great weekend

We got to spend most of our weekend with my new family!

We went to my soon to be brother and sisters house on friday for a birthday party! The kids had so much fun together! I absolutely fell in love with my niece and nephews. Kens brothers wife and i are within a few weeks of each other in our pregnancy! This is their fourth.

I had met them and some of the rest of my new family before... but i met most of them this weekend! I also met the pastor and the associate pastor and their wives of the church the family goes to. It was really nice to spend time chatting with all of them on friday.

Saturday I made muffins for breakfast and we just laid around all day. Kayd went over to play with Papa in the afternoon and Ken and i just rested and relaxed all day. By four i was so sick i was ready to sleep and spent the last of our day completely miserable.

We got up early Sunday and realized ken didn't have to work AGAIN yesterday, so we got up and got ready and went to church with the fam. It was a wonderful time of fellowship. After service we went back to Kens grandparents house for family dinner. Spaghetti! YUM! His brother and sister in law came over with their kids and we got to play all day! it was just so priceless. By the end of our day, i was Aunt Jamie! Its really just such an exciting part of our new life together. I fell in love with his family and even more in love with him this weekend.

I'm very excited for today... I'm laying on the couch drinking a soda (caffiene free) eating fattening and bad for me cheese balls and watching a bit of tv with my feet up! Kayd goes to school in a few hours and then i get to take a nap!!!!!

Can't Wait

I think the best part about being pregnant is the fact that I'm cooking dinner every night essentially!

I've cooked lots of new things and have enjoyed almost every dinner i've made!

Tonight we are having a dinner that i cannot wait to eat. I've never made it before so its definitely something to try and decide how to make differently. But we're having chicken tortilla soup!

It already smells absolutely wonderful and its not even melded together yet! I have to go to the store and pick up a few avacados for on top and some corn tortillas that i can slice into strips to throw on top when we put it in bowls!

I love to cook and good grief I love to eat!!!!

Pumpkin patch!

Kayd had a field trip today with his preschool class to the pumpkin farm! We had lots of fun! Kayd got to bring home a pumpkin and was so excited because he found the "PERFECT" pumpkin. I asked if that meant we don't have to go shopping for other pumpkins for this year or next... And apparently "this is not the only perfect pumpkin momma!!!"

A few pictures to enjoy!!!

The evolution of pregnancy cravings!

So its said that cravings are often something your body wants for the nutrients in that perticular thing.

And I'm not sure about any of you, my friends who have had babies, but i never or rarely have the same craving twice. (usually because i throw up what i've chosen to eat and it kicks my ass coming up and i can't look it in the plate again.....)

Like this day when i went out to the bar with mom and kim. They got margaritas and i just had some fried pickles... NO PREGNANT JOKES PLEASE!!!!!! I love pickles, they are just yummy. salty tangy and satisfying.... it has NOTHING to do with being pregnant!!! So i'm sitting here eating these pickles and enjoying life.... Two hours later I'm puking these things up through my nose!!!! and the acid that these pickles came up with actually burned my throat and now i find myself ordering things with NO pickles :(

So anyway.... TODAY... I got a bug up my butt that i was hungry for mango. I don't absolutely love mango, but i really enjoy mango salsa so the verdict is in... i'm making mango salsa. But if i do that i need regular salsa too... (my regular salsa is pico with jalapenio in it!!!!) and if i make salsa i have to have guacamole to go with it!!! and if i'm having all of this i can't just have tuna helper for dinner.... so i'm going to make steak fajitas for dinner....


cravings turn to expensive dinners that are delicious but time consuming!!!!!

Is it April yet?!

Just a little bit of fun

Because i desperately need it!!!!

I got online and looked at all the silly old wives tales for if you're having a boy or a girl!

Ring on a string.... Across the wrist, which my friend April says means a GIRL

Chinese gender chart... Takes the age at conception and the month you concieved and charts out to either girl or boy..... my chart says GIRL

Woman's Birth Year: 1984 Month: 3 Day: 15 Time Zone: PST

Conception Year: 2008 Month: 8 Day: 7 Time Zone: PST

It's a girl! (Chinese Age 25 at Lunar month 7)

So i guess we'll use these predictions and wait on pins and needles to find out! I really don't care one way or the other, But Ken seems to want to know!

I guess i have to update

I'm officially 11 weeks. Tuesday i had a great day! I didn't throw up once. I had a bad wave of nausea in the evening but nothing too terrible!

Its been a roller coaster. Grandma's back in the hospital and i'm feeling a little out of place since she's not home for me to worry about or take care of. She has a few infections that they want me to steer clear of for a little while longer, so i haven't been up to see her since Sunday. Thats hard for me. I'm thinking I'll go see her today no matter what.

Nothing new. I've gained weight already. Kinda new and different for me. Even with all the throwing up, I'm gaining weight! I have discovered that if I keep food coming in every hour or so I just don't get as bad as i did with Kayd. I guess I'll take the weight over being deathly sick!

things are pretty okay

I have videos posted of our baby! I cannot wait til Ken gets home so he can see our little pumpkin moving around. I so wish he could have been there for this! I cannot believe i got to see the baby moving around. The tech said that she couldn't believe how active our little one was! She was more than willing to just let me get a video for daddy! She seemed to really enjoy watching the baby move as well!

Baby had a good strong heartbeat 141 beats a minute! Which just is wonderful to know, especially since doc couldn't find heartbeat earlier today. It seems like a huge miracle and i'm so thankful the baby is still well. I just continue to hope and pray that everything's going to continue to be okay!

Hopefully you are too!

baby

a quick video if i can get it to load!

Keeps getting better and better!

I had my OB appt today. Doc said my uterus was too small, then he checked again and told me i was transverse (tilted back) and rotated some.... The uterus might be measuring a little small but pretty much on target.

He was hoping to be able to get a heartbeat in the Doppler but was unable. He was actually concerned about not hearing heartbeat!

He's also quite concerned and "not happy" about the cramping and bleeding. He has moved my next ultrasound up three weeks. To today. I get to go see the baby. Praying that there is heartbeat today!

Definitely excited to see the transformation from week seven to ten. I know its only three weeks different but I can't wait to see my pumpkin

Headed into week 10

Seriously 1/4 of the way there?! We are nervous and excited for our adventures of the upcoming weeks.

I have my first OB appointment in the morning. For those of you who have had a child you know what the first OB appointment entails and it doesn't seem like ANY fun to me! I'm not ready for the joys of it! Last time my first ob was at 8 weeks. I am very excited to go because sometimes by week 10 you can find fetal heartrate by doplar. Which means i might get to hear the baby heartbeat again tomorrow! I'll try to record it and post it if we can hear it!

Sunday night I ended up going to ER. I was throwing up so much that i actually was bleeding down into my stomach and throwing up blood. Thats not fun! I wasn't concerned about that because i did the same thing at some point in time with little man! But I wanted to go in and get some medicine that would give me a little bit of relief from the vomiting! They gave me my happy drug (Zofran.) It helped tremedously! I got home late and finally fell asleep. Only to wake up when the effects of the meds wore off so i could get up and get sick again. :(

I'm hoping this pregnancy it won't last all the way to 28 weeks like it did with Kayd. They say by weeks ten and eleven that the placenta has reached a substantial enough size that it will sustain our little ones hormones so I don't have to!

On a not baby note, my grandmother just entered the hospital last night. She's having troubles breathing again and isn't feeling well. Unfortunately, they don't think she has an active infection, and this is just as good as it gets. Her body is giving out on her. She's having trouble fighting anymore and anything done medically at this point will just be comfort measures. Its hard to imagine her not being there to hold our new little one. My heart is already dreading the next weeks and months and hopefully years. I can't imagine getting married without her there! Its hard enough to not have my grandfather there to officiate!

Just keep my grandma, my baby, and my family in your prayers as we continue our journey in good and tough times together!

I'm becoming a hypno-mom

Yea i know! Sounds like a crazy cult yes?!? Well its not. From what i can tell it seems like the evolution of the lamaze our moms all swear by!

Yes. I do once again want to have a natural childbirth experience! No drugs. Little if any monitoring for both me and baby. Waterlabor (and quite possibly birth). Absolutely no Pitocin this time however! I do NOT want to experience that unless absolutely needed!!!!

Hypnobirthing seems to be a deep relaxation that will allow the mother to be so relaxed that there is little to no pain. From things I've read, it seems that 70 percent of moms who hypnobirth have painless labors! They are more energized and ready to interact during pushing and in the first moments of the childs life! I even read a testimonial of a woman who delivered a breach baby with no pain or complication. Her medical staff was just dumbfounded! Sounds like a pretty decent idea to me!

Definitely excited to look into this more and see if there are any classes offered in my area!

Is it over yet?

I'm so ready for April! I hate being sick. I wish Ken worked at night instead of during my only few good hours during the day! By the time he gets home, I'm very tired. I don't feel well and I'm usually spending half our evening with my head in the toilet.

This morning as i was throwing up i decided that the toilet wasn't clean enough. So as I'm throwing up i'm also scrubbing the toilet. So if this baby comes out blue and kinda weird... that might be why!

We are taking Kayden out for a Guys night tonight. I'm just getting drug along for the party. Not sure what really cool bonding thing my boys can do but we'll find something! Its gotta be something they can do while i stay off my feet! Might just get stuck doing dinner and a movie!



Kayd decided the other day that momma has one baby in her "belly" (to which i told him... no darlin. the baby is in momma's uterus. he isn't sure what that is but he wants to know whats wrong with my belly that my uterus stole the baby) but anyway i have one baby in my belly and he has two babies in his. I had to explain, and so did his Aunt Cole, that only girls and mommies could have babies in their bellies. He doesn't like that idea.

He came up to me this morning and had big crocodile tears in his eyes. he said his babies aren't in his belly anymore. I told him thats okay cause he could help me with the one in my tummy. Children are so sweet in the innocence of life. I think its going to be awesome to include Kayd in the process of this pregnancy. Anyone have any fun ideas for him to bond with baby when the pregnancy has progressed?!

The festival

We had so much fun walking around and smelling the smells, and tasting the tastes. Kayd got his face painted and enjoyed being an indian!

Making it through

Its been quite an adventure! We are at 8 weeks! I can't wait for April.

This pregnancy has proved to be a challenge for our family! Its hard to have someone there to support me! But i love it! Ken made dinner for me and my entire family last night! I was going to do it but i just did not have the energy to make it happen. He shoo'd me out of the kitchen and onto the couch more than once last night! Its so wonderful to experience this with you Ken.

I know I am an ass to you sometimes! And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that i'm so sick and that i'm moody. I love you and appreciate you babe! I'm so glad its you!

We've gotten 8 weeks and 4 days under our belts! Its not been easy. Its been at times scary. And it creates a worry when I think about what else we have to deal with.

I've passed out. I've had spotting and heavy cramping. I have already had an ultrasound (i'll post that picture as soon as i can!!!) And we have another ultrasound already scheduled! I am struggling again this time with the vomitting and nausia. But i have an amazing man and a wonderful son at my side to help me through!

I wrote at the beginning of september about our scare. We had an ultrasound on Wednesday September 10th. I got to see the baby, and hear the heartbeat. It was so fast. 137 beats per minute!!! I left and waited to hear the news that everything was okay. Friday i heard from my doctor and apparently the baby is okay, with strong heartbeat, but my uterus was.... well not so okay! They told me there is a bleed (or hemmorhage) in my uterus. We are waiting a few more weeks on pins and needles for another ultrasound! We will be at 13 weeks for the next scheduled ultrasound so hoping to see a bit more of a baby shape then at our seven week apt. where our little one didn't even quite look like a peanut!

I guess I've proved to myself that each pregnancy is in fact different. However they have both proved to be difficult! But we're going to make it!!!

My baby

It was my babies first day of private preschool!

He was very excited to go to class with his new book bag. (I'm not sure what we're going to do Next Wednesday when he has to wear real shoes to class for gym!) (He'll think its abusive that he can't wear his rubber shoes!!!!!!!)

MOVING DAY!!!!

Ken and I are moving today! We have one more move ahead of us in the next month. But this move is very very exciting for me!

We are moving out of the apartment that we share with his roommate. We are going to move in with my Grandmother for a month. Its not the best situation but its really a win win situation! Ken and i will be able to save some massive money! And I'll be able to take care of grandma!

We are planning to have a place to go in the next month! (thats my job.... finding a place for us to stay!!!!)

Our apartment was not a healthy place to stay. Our roommate didn't really understand the health and risk factors of living with a pregnant woman. I won't miss it a bit! I cannot wait to have a place that i can roam freely.

I'm excited to not have to keep our belongings under lock and key! And I'm excited to breathe clean fresh air with every breath!

Huge Scare

Saturday night, we were getting ready for a night out on the town. (which means playing cards and eating bar food!!!) It had been a very stressful day, and i was kinda looking forward to a few minutes out to just forget!

We got to Peanuts where we were going to play cards and i had to pee. I went only to find that i was bleeding. I never bled with my first pregnancy. So of course, I totally flipped out. I ended up coming home, I called my doc, and i was on my way just that quick to the hospital for blood work.

I went back last night for a repeat and i had to wait and wonder and worry. On our way to Kens work this morning I called for results. I was on hold for what seemed forever. It was our moment of truth!

The nurse came back on the line. "Doc said the numbers went up. You're okay, but please continue to take things easy."

I had to prepare myself for the idea of losing our lil baby, it was a hard weekend. But we are both very thankful that everything's going to be okay (for now)

I'm headed back to bed now! Ken and i are both sick. Terrible colds. I feel awful, I get to lay at home in the air conditioning and he's up on a roof working today in 93 degree heat. My poor baby!

Ten days in

So I'm ten days into the adventure of pregnancy and my hormones have already settled down a bit. I hate those first two weeks! They are so rough!

I'm actually 5wks 1 day! which means i only have 34 weeks and 6 days to go!

Its been an adjustment! I miss beer already. Giving up some of my vices has been very difficult. One of my roommates actually told me if i would like he'd quit smoking with me! I think it would be awesome to have a smoke free home! It would make quitting that much less stressful for me!!!

Ken thinks we are having a little boy. But i have a girl vibe, still. I will be happy either way! I just cannot wait to hold my baby!

My last week has been a challenge health wise. Tuesday, I had a tooth that started giving me problems. By Tuesday night into Wednesday morning i was in SEVERE pain! I went to the dentist Wednesday morning and they said i cracked the tooth and that the nerve was exposed and it would not get any better. I could either have it pulled or have a root canal. I asked them to set up a root canal, so they did! They told me where to be and when to be there. They also told me it would be 850 dollars UP FRONT. I don't exactly have that much money... So i asked them to cancel the appointment and i would figure something out! I called my family doc and he tried to call in a script for a med i'm allergic to.... They finally called in vicodin and i spent most of wednesday afternoon trying to sleep. I hate taking meds when i'm pregnant! I finally set the appointment back up for 10:45 Thursday morning! I went in in excruciating pain! And i came out feeling numb but excited!

The pain has been replaced by a pressure but its bearable! They said the tooth had begun to absess so its very good i came in to take care of it!

Now we are staying busy baking my baby! We already have our baby names picked out! We are just impatiently waiting!!!

Five days in

We are less than five days into baby baking and its already all i can think about! So many things to do! So many things to plan. So many cravings to be had!

I am head over heels in love with the father of my child and its such a wonderful feeling! I enjoy the little things like him resting his hand on my abdomen as i sleep, or him rubbing my shoulders after i throw up.

I've been sick, but its nothing like when i was pregnant with Kayden! I am not that far in though so it could get better or worse. But three or four times a day getting sick is my limit! I'll do weekly pictures this time so we can see what a fat cow i'm going to become

So here it is! A positive test!


Completely and totally. No getting around it! I forgot how much i hate being pregnant. I forgot how emotional I become. Its eleven, I've been up less than two hours and i've already cried three times! Its stupid! I've been infuriated once and I've smiled a few times too. I think they should just put me in a fall out shelter and feed me four times a day.

The good news

I dropped Ken off at work this morning and Kayd and i headed to go visit nana in the hospital!

On our way home I decided that the suspense is absolutely killing me and i have to stop and buy a test. So I went to The dollar store and bought the cheapest pregnancy test I've ever bought. Yes seriously. A one Dollar pregnancy test. I rush home and pee in a cup. (Its the kind of test you use a dropper full of pee instead of peeing on a stick.) I did the drop and sat backwards on the toilet and waited just when i thought for sure that it was negative and i had tears in my eyes a very very very faint line started floating in. I looked again and again. I held it up to the light. I couldn't believe it. We created life! We created it on purpose and we are both going to be so happy about it!!!!!

The line is so faint but its there. I am still too early for my period. I am not due til thursday. And i didn't use my first morning urine. But the line is there! I will retest later for a more positive line. but even though the line is faint its still there and we are still

BAKING BABY BOYER!!!