Time for some hard Prayer and honesty

Its very very very hard for me to write this entry. It shouldn't be hard to talk to my friends and update them on my life. B, really i think you're the one that i fear the most in all of this. I love you and i respect you and i know how this is going to seem.

Here goes. I fell in love with someone who has for the last 3 months become very different from the person i fell for. I don't even think he realizes it but this relationship has done nothing but hurt me for the last few months, and not just in a "he leaves the seat up" or "he won't take out the trash" but a genuine pain and a genuine hurt that has evolved into nothing but night terrors and day sweats.

I guess its time for me to come clean and state that we have parted ways, and I'm officially the single mom of both Wyatt and Kayd. I worry so much about my little prince who's not yet here. Life has put so much more stress on him then any little one deserves. He's not even here yet. I know my lab results show cause of why contractions came at 19 weeks, however, I would also venture a guess to say that Ken and my relationship and its end with constant battle and constant pain has something to do with a contracting body.

I kept thinking we could work it out, that i was capable of this relationship, but i was wrong. Too many hurtful things have been said, and too many hurtful things have been done. And i really think there's no coming back from this.

I've been alone for a few weeks now and am growing used to being alone. I haven't been able to sleep in a bed yet, but i'll get to that point soon, as this rapidly growing body is going to soon outgrow the couch. And spending more than two or three weeks on a couch might just be the cause of some back pains :(

Pray for council and hope. When we were together he didn't want me to work. I missed working but loved being able to be stay at home mom and soon to be wife. After my lovely scare at 19 weeks of cramping and contractions that were due to very low levels of Magnesium Vitamin D and Potassium, my doctor said to take it easy and stay off my feet. I went through this without him and it was scary. When i was contracting early with Kayden it was at 32 weeks. Completely viable. At 19 weeks all would be lost. I've tried to stay as calm as possible. I don't want Wyatt to hurt or be in any more danger than he's been in already

I guess i'll be ignoring my doctors orders and headed out to the real world where i love it to find a job and try to make a way for my growing, and at the same time shrinking, family.

I'm doing as well as can be expected and i'll keep on keepin on. I hope nothing but the best for my kiddos and myself and am unfortunately ready to be single mom of two. Can't blame anyone but myself so its all you can expect.