my week in review

What a week! Its been long and exhausting. I'm ready for the baby to come so I can have two days of vacation in the hospital with nothing to do but take care of myself and my two boys.

Grandma is dying of CF. Its really hard to watch her suffer. Its even harder to keep her off her feet. She's getting very forgetful and very very very set in her ways. If she thinks something should go one way, thats the way its going to go, and if you're in her way you get run over. Its good I'm stubborn. But its too much. I hate arguing with her three to four times a day on her meds, and on her food intake, and over the way to stack the dishwasher. I do it with honor. She's taken care of me for a very long time and I know I'm lucky to still have her here. In June we were told she wouldn't make it more than six months.

We lucked out. I got pregnant. And that gave her nine months more that she had to live. She yelled at me when she found out we were expecting. "Jamie you little shit. You would do that to me. Now i have to live til April to meet my grandbaby?!" I just smiled and said yes ma'am you do! I am sure that this little boy isn't the only reason she's still alive and kicking. But i know the mind is stronger than the body. She's giving up. Its getting harder and harder to care for her. Especially with my back. But a month ago we weren't sure she'd ever get to meet the little one!
But here she is. Just 40 days from my due date and she's still holding on.

I'm very tired. I'm worn out. I'm discouraged. I'm feeling kinda useless. But I'm making it through. I'm ready for my son to come and I'm ready to talk my doctor into tying my tubes up! I can't wait for my son but I know that I never want to do this again. I can't handle the stress pregnancy has put on my body. I am ready to be done. He still has growing to do. His lungs and liver still need to develop further. He needs to get bigger. (or at least thats what the books say.) but I'm fat my back hurts i'm miserable and i'm ready to have a few minutes away!

Tonight someone else is going to come take care of grandma so i can sneak out of the house for a little while. She's requiring round the clock care. And i need a break!